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Hilal Her

Balancing Work and Motherhood

September 2024

Balancing work and family responsibilities is a significant challenge, especially for parents who are separated from their young children due to professional commitments. Managing this balance requires careful planning and support from trusted caregivers. Expressing gratitude to those who care for your children goes beyond financial compensation, often involving gestures of appreciation and maintaining strong relationships. Maternity leave provides a valuable opportunity to bond with your child, and making the most of this time is crucial for both mother and baby. However, the guilt of leaving children behind when returning to work is a common struggle that many parents face. Additionally, taking on the responsibility of caring for your child requires clear communication, a fair distribution of duties, and fostering self-sufficiency within the household to ensure everyone’s well-being.



Over the past century, social norms surrounding family life and women’s roles have evolved significantly. Previously, marriage was a stable economic and social union that typically lasted a lifetime. Today, maintaining marriage’s privileged legal status remains essential in supporting families. It serves as a vital means of providing care within a family setting. It allows couples to formally declare their commitment, granting them a defined set of legal rights, privileges, and obligations. When individuals commit they take on significant responsibilities for each other’s well-being, as well as for the care of any children who may become part of their family. By accepting these obligations and fulfilling their marital duties, they reduce the burden of dependency on society. 
Working parenthood comes with a constant stream of tasks, challenges, and sometimes awkward situations. Balancing a career with raising children is incredibly demanding. A recent study by the Pew Research Center found that 65% of working parents with college degrees, who typically have better career and earning opportunities than those with less education, found it “somewhat difficult” or “very difficult” to manage the competing demands of work and family life.
There isn’t a clear guide or set standards for success for a working mother, and openly discussing these challenges with managers can feel risky. You might worry about being seen as unfocused or overly complaining. The difficulties of balancing work and family often persist for years or more without getting much easier. Even years after returning from parental leave, you may still feel just as stressed.
In such situations, it’s normal to feel exhausted, question your decisions and performance, and see your life as a constant, high-pressure improvisation. Being a working mother isn’t easy. It is a big, complex, emotional, chronic, and sometimes all-consuming struggle. But as with any challenge, the more you break it down, the less daunting it becomes. You can cultivate more calm, confidence, and control, which will strengthen your ability to succeed in and even enjoy working parenthood. 
The challenges women encounter as working mothers are numerous and diverse, but most can be grouped into five main categories: transition, practicalities, communication, loss, and identity. When people start to recognize these patterns in their struggles, they often feel more empowered and in control. This newfound understanding can lead to practical, achievable solutions.
Mothers need to establish designated times for work, childcare, and household tasks to create balance. Prioritize your responsibilities by focusing on the most important tasks and delegating or postponing less urgent ones. Leverage technology to stay connected with your children and partner, even when you are not physically present, helping to maintain a sense of involvement and support.



Who takes care of your children, and how do you pay your gratitude besides money?
For working women, showing gratitude to those who help care for their children can be particularly meaningful given the pressures of balancing career and family life. Here are some thoughtful ways working women can express their appreciation beyond money:
•    Recognition and Affirmation: Regularly express gratitude for their efforts, whether it is a verbal thank you, a note, or a personal message. Let them know their work makes a big difference.
•    Quality Time Together: If the caregiver is family or a close friend, spending quality time with them can be a way to show appreciation. Invite them to a family dinner, movie night, or a small outing as a gesture of gratitude.
•    Help Them in Their Own Lives: Offer support to caregivers in other ways, like helping them with their personal tasks, offering them a break, or assisting with their family needs.
•    Thoughtful Gifts: Choose gifts that align with their preferences—perhaps a book, a wellness treat, or a subscription to something they enjoy (e.g., a magazine, streaming service).
•    Opportunities for Growth: Support their personal development by offering access to training, workshops, or any educational resources that can help them professionally or personally.
•    Time Off or Flexibility: If the caregiver is a hired professional, offering paid time off, extra vacation days, or a flexible schedule can demonstrate respect for their time and well-being.
Balancing gratitude with genuine care can create a positive and lasting relationship, especially for working women who rely on the support of others to help manage family life.
Parenting, in general, is filled with countless “what if” moments (and even regrets), and maternity leave often falls into that category as well. At the end of your leave, what would be the things you might regret doing or not doing should dictate how you spend your time with the baby. Start a journal, practice mindfulness, only try to control what you can, get back to exercise, and keep in touch with office work.
Employers in both the private and public sectors, operating under federal government oversight, are now mandated to offer paid maternity and paternity leave to their employees as part of initiatives to improve work-life balance. Pakistan’s Maternity and Paternity Leave Act, 2020 provides female employees with fully paid maternity leave up to 180 days for the birth of the first child, 120 days for the second, and 90 days for the third.
Many parents, especially working mothers, often experience feelings of guilt. You may find yourself thinking you should be doing things differently, feeling overwhelmed, or believing you could be doing better. These feelings are quite common and stem from the natural desire to give your children the best. Parenting presents new and tough challenges, and it’s important to remember that many others feel the same way, even if they don’t openly share it.
The happier you are, the happier you will be with your children. So, take 15 minutes each day just for yourself, guilt-free. Focus on the positives and celebrate your successes, both big and small. At the end of the day, write down something that went well in a notebook or create a board where everyone can share one thing they’ve learned that day. This practice helps you notice the good moments and appreciate what each day brings.
Don’t let social media get you down. Seeing other families thriving online can stir up feelings of guilt, but it’s essential to focus on the basics of being a good parent and remind yourself that being “good enough” is perfectly okay.
There can, and should be, an equal division of labor, but it must be approached with flexibility. It is vital to have open discussions about what’s working, what’s not, and when it’s time to ask for help. The distribution of responsibilities between both parents is one of the top issues that many parents find themselves arguing about. Sharing responsibilities in a household extends far beyond just the visible, concrete tasks like laundry, dishes, and packing lunches for the kids. It encompasses the unseen, often unspoken mental load of parenting, everything from managing doctor’s appointments and tracking school deadlines to making decisions about the children’s emotional well-being and future. This cognitive burden is as crucial as the physical work and requires a balanced approach to ensure both parents contribute fairly to raising the children.
According to a case study, the wife, a driven, achievement-focused woman, often shouldered most of the mental load for the family. Alongside managing her own business full-time, she took on responsibilities like cooking, cleaning, and handling the bills. Her personality naturally led her to take on these tasks willingly, and she don’t express dissatisfaction despite the heavy burden. Her husband, who held a demanding managerial position, had a more laid-back personality and didn't rely on achievement for fulfillment. His relaxed approach meant he was comfortable letting things slide, trusting that everything would eventually work out. This dynamic, combined with his wife’s anxious tendencies, resulted in her stepping in to handle everything. Though she occasionally asked for help, the husband would respond positively for a few weeks before old habits reemerged. The wife didn’t push the issue, believing she could manage it all, and the husband, seeing that she did, let the pattern continue. Hence, the pursuit of perfection often acts as an enemy of good.
For husbands, there should be the willingness to accept responsibility for one’s actions and decisions, ensuring that he is answerable for how he guides and supports his children. Mutual accountability in parenting creates harmony, trust, and openness between partners. It’s not about monitoring or controlling each other, but about building a strong, unified approach to raising your children together.


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