RIP English ...

English is an incarnate language — I accept this fact wholeheartedly. There is probably a good reason we are not discovering the Urdu slang for #swag or LOL: the language is dead (for some), definitely spoken but no longer evolving. To be honest, based on these two words, I would endeavor to guess that Urdu is grateful to be dead for the ubiquitous some, and the youth. Even in a bizarre scenario, where languages have an afterlife, I bet Urdu would be brutally tortured for eternity, surrounded by hellfire and brimstone, and the entire time it would grin as the demons gnawed at it thinking, "Well, Booyah! At least no one is using me to say # IKR." (I know right!) Imagine that.
Languages, as long as they are spoken, mature, nurture and change. It is truly an amazing experience. To discover new ways to express yourselves and communicate is something that should never be undervalued but always cherished.
I am not against the progression of the language (generally), no Sir! But if you want to create and change the language you are speaking, please learn to speak it first in its true spirit! You know why we still, to this day, use words that Shakespeare just created from the nib of his pen? Because the man was brilliant and had dexterity of the language unheard of in those times. When he noticed a flaw he fixed it, and that is how a language should progress. Years ago the words ‘gluon’ and ‘quark’ were just nonsense, but then we discovered those particles and gave them names. That is how a language should grow.
I shall freely admit that English has some ambiguous albeit questionable elements. "their," "there," and "they’re" or "affect" and "effect," and inestimable other words that sound the same but mean entirely different things. Let us not even get into the imbeciles who refuse to learn how to properly use those words but created more! How can someone want to pile on layers of confusion with pointlessly outdated slang?!
Sure #YOLO (You Only Live Once) but death has more honor then living with this half-witted gibberish! We have even come up with ways to portray laughter in text form. There is ‘lol’ and ‘rofl.’ If you’ve ever used any of these in a text then you, my friend are infected with Lazy-Language-syndrome. A simple "haha" would suffice but alas, different strokes for different folks. 
Here in this nerve-wracking incidence somebody just typed "#tb I wish I could be their” #tb?? What? Are you kidding me?! Tuberculosis I wish I could be their?!!! Fine, I am a doctor and not in a million years could I have guessed that the aforementioned ‘tb’ is not Tuberculosis but ‘throwback’! I’m sure neither did you. C’mon admit it! And please let us not go to the elementary usage of ‘Them’! (Hemingway would have taken a turn in his grave) What in the God’s name is the world coming to? Is there no sanity left or has the age of Twitter and Facebook made us so brain dead and ineloquent? 
You know what is not a deficiency? You and your lazy self not feeling like typing the word ‘beverage.’ Before we move on let’s also touch on the fact that I just said, ‘type’. You’re not writing a letter with an ink pen or composing an epistle with a feather (sighs), you are just tapping on an incredible piece of technology that finishes words for you! You are not even required to know how to spell. Do you know anyone who can spell ‘categorically’ properly without autocorrect? You don’t, I promise.
Anyway, back to the beverage thing, I saw an update on Facebook the other day that used the word ‘bevie’!!! What?! (Status, "Who wants to get a bevie with me?") Oh my God! (or OMG please!) No one! You missing-chromosome-lame-excuse-of-a-homosapien! How valuable are your calories?! Are you wasting away as you type that pathetic plea for attention? Probably not. So stop it. You’re not helping anyone, you are not saving anyone’s time, you are just giving me a brain tumor!
English language has been distilled to one symbol: # (and abbreviations — not international abbreviations or army abbreviations, as even they make sense in this scenario). But some crazy mixture of IDK and BAE that leaves me flabbergasted. I am all for ‘keeping it simple’ but this # hashtag disease has gone too #far.
Times have changed, #iykwim (If You Know What I Mean). I don’t believe any aesthetically balanced sane person can, but what if you are from the hippie crowd bent on distorting the decent version of English. Way to go, Muh Man!!
Agreed, English is the language of today but please don’t butcher it. Either learn to speak properly or don’t speak at all. Urdu is by far the most diverse language that there is and this is Pakistan. So breathe! Take it easy. We are all the same and we should be proud of who we are and what our identity is. We claim to know English!  Believe me, we don’t, not in its true form and in hope of being called ultra-hip we have forgotten how to speak Urdu as well. Humans have the ability to evolve at any juncture … so #Beyourself and #Beoriginal. Don’t follow the norm and if you still choose the highway instead of the right way then #RIPEnglish! HH


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